Marriage should feel like a safe place, a shelter where you can relax, feel loved, and know your heart is protected. It’s meant to be the space where you and your husband grow together, cheering each other on with kindness and respect. But for many Christian women, that picture doesn’t match reality.
Instead of peace, you feel tension. Instead of support, you feel watched or criticized. And one of the most painful parts? The confusion. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but something feels off. You wonder if you’re overreacting or imagining things. And sometimes, you find yourself asking the question, “Could this be narcissism?”
When Love Turns Into Doubt
Most marriages don’t start out broken. Many women remember the early days as charming, exciting, even storybook perfect. But over time, things change.
- Conversations get twisted until you doubt your own memory.
- Hurtful words are followed by denial, leaving you feeling “too sensitive.”
- You try harder, pray harder, serve more but nothing seems enough.
This cycle creates a fog of confusion. You’re left second-guessing yourself, wondering: Am I the problem? Am I ungrateful? Is this just what marriage is? Friend, I know these questions all to well, I asked them SO many times.
That inner doubt is not weakness, it’s confusion. It’s often the very sign that something harmful, sometimes even narcissism is at play.
Why Confusion Is a Red Flag
Narcissistic patterns often show up in subtle ways that leave you unsettled instead of sure. He might never yell, but the silence, the put-downs, and the double standards chip away at your confidence. To outsiders, he looks charming and kind. But behind closed doors, you feel invisible.
This is called gaslighting, it’s a way of twisting reality so you question your own thoughts. It’s one reason so many women stay stuck, because they don’t realize what’s happening has a name.
But here’s the truth: God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). He is a God of peace. If your marriage leaves you constantly confused, anxious, or unsure of your own worth, that’s a sign something is not right.
10 Signs It Might Actually Be Narcissism
- Conversations get twisted. He changes the story until you feel like you misremembered.
- You’re called “too sensitive.” Your real feelings get dismissed instead of taken seriously.
- Charm in public, criticism at home. To others he looks perfect, but behind closed doors it’s another story.
- Silent treatment. Instead of talking, he withholds affection or communication as punishment.
- Constant criticism. No matter how much you do, it’s never quite good enough.
- Walking on eggshells. You monitor your words and tone, afraid of setting him off.
- Loss of confidence. You find yourself doubting your judgment, your memory, and even your worth.
- One-sided control. Decisions are made without you, or your input doesn’t really count.
- Minimized pain. When you bring up hurt, it’s laughed off, ignored, or turned back on you.
- Spiritual guilt. You’re told God wants you to stay quiet, submit more, or sacrifice yourself for “peace.”
You’re Not Crazy But… You May Be Dealing With a Narcissist
If you’ve been second-guessing yourself or wondering if you’re “too sensitive,” you’re not losing your mind. That constant confusion is a sign something is wrong, not proof that you’re broken.
You’re not crazy. But you may be dealing with a narcissist.
Naming it doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your marriage or labeling your husband unfairly. It means you’re putting words to what you’ve been living through. And when you finally name it, the fog starts to lift. You begin to see that the hurtful patterns aren’t your fault and you’re not alone in them.
God Sees What’s Hidden
Maybe you’ve been told to just pray more, serve more, or “submit better.” But God sees your tears and your questions. He knows the nights you’ve cried, wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again.
He cares about marriage, but He cares about you even more. You are His daughter, chosen and deeply loved. He never asks you to disappear to keep the peace.
What to Do Next
If you’re asking, “Could this be narcissism?” you don’t have to figure it all out at once. Start with small steps:
- Share honestly with a trusted friend who won’t dismiss you.
- Write down the confusing moments so you can see patterns more clearly.
- Pray for wisdom, peace, and courage.
- Reach out to a counselor, a pastor’s wife, or a support group for women in difficult marriages.
Here’s a prayer you can make your own:
“Lord, I feel torn and confused. Please shine Your light on what’s true in my marriage. Guard my heart, remind me You are close, and give me strength to take one step forward today.”
You Are Not Alone
Confusion, criticism, and doubt are not what God designed for marriage. If you’ve been shrinking back, silencing yourself, or wondering if you’re crazy, know this: you are not. You are wounded, not weak.
Your story matters. Your voice matters. And God has not forgotten you.
Go in-depth with the ebook here–> Christian Womans Guide To Marriage With Narcissistic Husband